By Tammy Hattenblatt
To whom it may concern (i.e. you, Seth Rogen),
My husband and I have been fans of yours for a long time, but something’s changed lately. No, there are no complaints about your movies per se (well, maybe except for Green Hornet). It’s not your laugh or your style of humor or your bromances or how you and your wife make my husband think he can do better than me (he can’t because he’s no Seth Rogen). No, the change started when you decided to eschew any kind of back hair remover and bared yourself for all to see on camera.
Looking back at your earlier flicks, it’s clear you were quite the manscaper. Whether you went for the back wax, some kind of hair removal pad, or the perennial favorite Nair, from 40 Year Old Virgin to Knocked Up and more you underwent, if not a full body wax, at least some grooming. But after seeing you in Neighbors and that Kanye parody (which, I will admit, was glorious), my husband now thinks that using any back shaver simply isn’t worth it. That we’ve reached the point where men are flawless even with back hair, that if Seth Rogen can do it, so can my husband.
There's just one problem with that.
My husband is not you.
It’d be one thing if you decided against the close shave for comedy purposes, but alas – your back hair’s not even mentioned, and the laughs don’t come from your lack of a body groomer. The hair is there because it’s THERE. And as a figure in the public eye, it’s your duty to make a good image for impressionable young people everywhere like my 35-year-old engineer husband. He clearly doesn’t understand that he can’t pull it off like you can, and that avoiding back hair is possible even without some awkward manscaping kit. Thanks to you, he now ignores all the pain free back hair removers and the ergonomic handles and the razor extensions, instead focusing on and complaining about the terribleness of a dry shave. It doesn’t matter that it now takes the length of the entire Freaks and Geeks season for him to go from wet to dry after a shower or a dip in the pool, and he ignores the BAKblade body hair remover with the long handle that I got him for Christmas like he ignores the gym membership I also got him for Christmas.
In short, Mr. Seth Rogen, sir, you and your back hair are ruining America. And by America I mean my husband. And so for that, Mr. Rogen, sir, I say screw you. With all due respect.
P.S. I am SO excited to see you as Pumbaa in the new Lion King. Are you going to at least talk to someone about a back wax for that, or will they just CGI it out?