What's Better Than an Engagement Ring?

Posted by Adam Schwartz on

By Ryan Schamter

Something was different as soon as Elise entered the office. You can tell when you’ve been working with someone for long enough. Always one to greet you with a friendly smile, this morning she was walking with her lips pursed like if she gave an inch she’d be all smiles all day.

Our mutual bro Richard in Accounting asked her what was going on. “Oh, nothing,” she responded in a tone that was very much hiding something. After a little more prodding, she gave in. “Well, alright,” she conceded. “You all know Erick, right?”

Her boyfriend? Of course! Really friendly, awesome beard, shakes hands with grip like a gorilla’s, and has the arm hair to match. All-around great guy.

“Last night was a big anniversary,” she continued, “and tonight’s his birthday dinner, and, oh, I don’t want to spoil it.” She couldn’t hold back her grin anymore; whatever was about to happen was about to happen. “Alright, here it is!” she caved, and pulled out of her purse this black thing. I don’t know how else to describe it. She unfolded it (apparently it was folded in half) and announced it proudly as “Erick’s birthday BAKblade”.

I’d never seen anything like it. I’d heard about other body groomer products, and I figured there had to be some back shaver alternative to hair removal pads, full body waxes, Nair cream, and the like, but this was a completely different ballpark. Impressive rows of razors, connected to a razor extension with a long handle, made it look like the ultimate groomer tool. Personally, I never really needed it – my hair essentially stops at my sideburns – but I’d seen Erick and I could imagine how much more easily he could enjoy a flawless, pain free shave all over.

Ok, even in the moment I knew that was a weird thought. But it was the truth – and she was flaunting the body blade like it was the next big thing, which, well, it was. This wasn’t some tiny little manscaper accessory that only the vainest of the vain would want in their kit; this was the real deal. This was some pro stuff. Elise pantomimed using it, and she was showing it off like it was a fancy piece of jewelry, and as she handed it to me so I could feel the ergonomic grip for myself I noticed something, something I should’ve noticed earlier and WOULD have noticed earlier were it not for the back shaving panacea Elise had whipped out.

There was a ring on her finger.

A big, bold, stunning engagement ring on her engagement ring finger. Right there for the world to see.

It wasn’t there yesterday at work, and it was here now – meaning Erick’s anniversary present was a proposal. And instead of showing that off for the world, she was showing off her birthday present for him. I said as much, and she just shrugged her shoulders.

“It’s a great ring and he’s a great guy,” Elise said, “but just look at this back blade! It really is something else.”

She had me there. It’s a stunning ring, and Erick really is just a phenomenal guy, but this back shaver – it truly was something else.