Why Women Don’t Want a Silverback

Posted by Adam Schwartz on

By Kristen Kasparov

There’s a lot you can say about being top dog at work. You get noticed, respected, maybe you get an executive bathroom or parking spot. Being a silverback gorilla at the office may have its perks, but at home, no woman wants an ape. Chest hair can work for women, and the right facial hair can make a world of difference (personally, I love a nice trim goatee) – but we don’t want to see or touch you when you look and feel like a dorsal gorilla.

What’s so wrong with using a back hair razor? None of us want to greet our hubbies with a hug after work if he’s got fur under his shirt. Spine fuzz is tolerable in the best of circumstances, but there’s going to be a whole lotta compromise to keep me from wanting to rip out your ugly awful back hair with my bare hands. Besides, do you want to be just good enough for that special someone in your life? I bet she deserves more.

Now, I know the topic of male grooming is a bit touchy. Some guys draw the line at manscaping, some go all the way and manicure their eyebrows, but when it comes to back hair, lots of you seem totally oblivious to just how disgusting it all is. And yes it’s tough to get rid of back hair: you can wax (trust me, that’s never a fun trip to the salon).

You could ask one of your bros or someone else to shave it, but that’s too intimate for a friend and not romantic enough for me – besides, I’ve already got enough to shave on my own.

You could slather on some Nair (mild chemical burns are a small price to pay for hair- free carefree beauty.

Or – OR – you can take your regular facial hair razor and magically turn it into a back shaver. But an itty bitty razor that’s meant for your face probably won’t have a great success rate on the entire expanse of your back, especially if you can’t see where you’re shaving.

Whatever method you pick, PLEASE do it. Body hair may make you feel macho, and it may be a sign of authority with some animals – but we’re not those animals. Be the silverback at work, but be something a little more cleanshaven at home. You’re the boss when you take control at the office. Now be the boss and take control of your back. Trust me, women will appreciate it.